no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
