Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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