Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
