And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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