i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
