and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
