Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
