I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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