I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You're a waste of cheezeits
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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