You just made me feel so damn special
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
