I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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