also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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