Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
