sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
last night I used snow as a chaser
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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