I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
