He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
