ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
