just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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