Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
