dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
