Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
