where does the pee come out of this thing
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
