i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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