Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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