I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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