I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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