I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
