I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Alive.
So much puke
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
