Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
