So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
