Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
