You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
