they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
