They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
