Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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