I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
