i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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