she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
