his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
How's work?
Spinning.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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