Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
