you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
