Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
