I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
