Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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