Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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