Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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