im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
