shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
