If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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