I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
