do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
