Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
