maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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