just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
