you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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