I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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