Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
