Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
