So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
