Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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