I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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