I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
time to smoke my breakfast
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
