Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
