I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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