I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
