Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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