when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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