Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
