I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The power of my boobs compel you
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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