no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
