woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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