i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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