So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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