i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
