currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
