My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize