you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
