I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
