textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize