We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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