I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
