i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
