Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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