Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
