dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
