When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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