Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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