No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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